I am afraid of lots of things : spiders, thunder, the dark, but then so are many others. I am also afraid of silence. Why ? I don't know.
I have become braver over the years and i no longer have to have a ticking clock in the bedroom at night, however, silence is a funny thing for when you turn that radio or TV off you think its quiet, but, have a power cut and you realise just how much noise an empty house really has.
Being a depressive I'm not too keen on being alone with my thoughts, they are generally of a pessimistic and negative nature, so I block them out with the TV or music (in a real episode that is impossible to do but thankfully they are rare these days).
I'm not so sure this blocking out thoughts with noise is a good thing. Maybe in my "saner" moments i should stop and look at my thoughts and fears, that could be the time to turn them around and see the more optimistic things in life. That way maybe the real bad times wont be so bad having laid a stronger more positive foundation.
Another lesson to try and learn I think, for its a lesson that could lead to the Buddhist awakening.
"....When we awaken, our fears and anxieties quite naturally vanish, as the night fades away at the rising of the sun" = MY AIM
Gill, this is something else I can relate to.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had post natal depression after I had Sorcha I was troubled by extremely difficult, negative thoughts.
The counsellor I had was very good and he instructed me to spend 20mins every morning and every evening on my own, allowing the thoughts in and gently but firmly challenging them.
This was indescribably difficult at first but after some weeks I started to find that the thoughts stopped troubling me at other times. The quiet time also helped me to get back in touch with myself.
In retrospect I think these 20min trials were the commencement of my meditation and my real prayer life.