Lessons

Watched a family Christmas film today - it was home alone 2, we watched the original a few weeks ago.  The child in the 2 films finds himself alone at Christmas, separated from his family and faced with thieves whom he manages to thwart each time using different slapstick methods that would have killed a normal person several times over.

The boy in the film is 10, if my 11 year old was left alone for any length of time he would sit and watch TV and never move i think, oh and eat all the e numbers he could get hold of.  Faced with burglars i don't think he would have a clue, or certainly the imagination for the traps and pranks played in the film (think I'm pleased about that!)

I don't think i cope very well with life : the stresses and pressures, the ups and downs.  I get too over awed with the mental and emotional stuff and then buckle under weight.

Yet, I don't feel that is totally right and i wonder how much of that is me running away from responsibility again.  I am an adult, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an Aunt and a friend.  Why cant i cope, why do i suffer panic attacks, why should one word from one person send me into the pits of despair for days on end ?

I think a lot of what i have written in these blogs is being taken on board by myself.  I'm staring to "see" my intentions behind some of my ways, "believe" in myself and my ability to be my own refuge and strength, "embrace" change and "live" for the moment rather than looking to the past.

This has been the start of my journey, its slow going but my mind is clear and emotions stable, i fight to stay afloat some days but afloat i will stay and become a better woman for it in my own right, thereby being a better mother, daughter, friend - you get the picture.