1. The condition or feeling of being displeased or unsatisfied; discontent.2. A cause of discontent.
I spend a lot of time being discontent and unsatisfied and then those feelings inject into my life in general, making me irritable and miserable. I take it out on the people closest to me all the time: the children mainly. I wish i could fight against it and force myself to change the way i feel and not react to it. I blame my illness and say its just me - What a cop out !
I have bound myself to a cycle of behaviour and over time its become such a brick wall it looks impossible to get past.
I dwell on negative emotions and say i don't enjoy it. Yet i said no again tonight to reading with my daughter because of the self inflicted drowning i was busily occupied with. All because I was not satisfied with a particualr situation ! I have imprisoned myslef within this stupid cycle and its sad to admit that its not just me that it effects and I am ashamed of myself, I realise today its something i have to examine and address NOW !!!!
"There is a way to move beyond this ignorance, pessimism, and confusion, and to experience reality as a whole...........It's seeing before signs appear, before ideas sprout, before falling into thought"
I think too much so I'm off to buy a sledge hammer.
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