Phone

 
My mobile phone has never been so quiet : i had 1 text today from an elderly female friend of mine to say happy new year and that was it.  I seriously cant remember when i only had 1 message in a day.

Part of me feels lonely and empty - a quiet phone means no one wanting, needing or thinking of me ! Yet more importantly it means I'm not obsessing over anyone, not waiting for some man to text me or wondering why i haven't heard from them for a couple of hours.  I actually feel free, and at peace.  I am relaxed, because i am not on tender hooks or panicking - my insecurities don't need pandering too as i don't have a relationship to be insecure about. 

I still check it every few minutes but that's just habit, however, the silence that i feel inside my head and heart is strangely healing and feels rather nice.  I have not been irritable or stressed, i have spent valuable time with my children rather than snapping that I'm busy, when I'm not really, I'm just thinking of someone else, terrified that because they have not replied to my text sent half hour ago it could be over. 

I am a real sad case aren't i ? I am going to try and wean myself off day time TV too, make the effort to spend time in silence, maybe it will motivate me to do housework (LOL!!!) or exercise or just go out for a walk.  I may even leave my mobile at home !!

PS - i wore my pink jumper today and smiled a lot ;o)