Monday, 24 January 2011
Black day 2
I had a few old mags lying around and today i decided to take the scissors to them. I have had a very black day, cried lots, eaten more than i should have, thought bad things, regretted and resented, and wished things were different. I hate to love some people and blamed others, i have wanted to cause myself pain to make penance and wondered where God is in all this shit. I feel abandoned, neglected, rejected and unloved, unwanted and isolated. I'm in my bubble and no one sees the pain, the pressure that's building.
These are the words i cut out of the magazines :
Make of those what you will but over the next couple of days they are going to be a journal page entitled "black day".
I wish i could be more like you, wish i could be stronger for you, wish i could be with you, wish i could show you how special you are, wish you knew how loved you are, wish you would forgive me, wish you would trust me, wish you would let me in, wish you would treat me better, wish i could trust you, wish you were there for me, wish i could make your life better, wish you could make my life better.